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When I was in junior high, I used to think I would turn out to be one of the guys, and boys would say, 'Oh, you're so great,' but they wouldn't date me. I thought I wasn't pretty enough. But then I got to Ault and first of all, I'm not really friends with any guys. And then, with you this year, I thought, if Cross will keep hooking up with me, maybe I'm okay after all. But time passed and I never became your girlfriend. And so then I thought, not only was I wrong, but my life turned out to be the opposite of what I expected. Meaning, it wasn't my appearance--that's not the bad thing about me. It's my personality. But how do I know which part? I have no idea. I've tried to think about if it's one thing in isolation or everything together, or what can I do to fix it, or how can I convince you. Then I thought, maybe it is my looks, maybe I was right before. And I never figured it out. Obviously, I didn't. But I've spent a lot of time this year trying. And the reason I'm telling you all this is that I want you to know no one in my life has ever made me feel worse about myself than you. Curtis Sittenfeld, Prep

Tags:

When

I

was

in

junior

high



I

used

to

think

I

would

turn

out

to

be

one

of

the

guys



and

boys

would

say





Oh



you

re

so

great





but

they

wouldn

t

date

me



I

thought

I

wasn

t

pretty

enough



But

then

I

got

to

Ault

and

first

of

all



I

m

not

really

friends

with

any

guys



And

then



with

you

this

year



I

thought



if

Cross

will

keep

hooking

up

with

me



maybe

I

m

okay

after

all



But

time

passed

and

I

never

became

your

girlfriend



And

so

then

I

thought



not

only

was

I

wrong



but

my

life

turned

out

to

be

the

opposite

of

what

I

expected



Meaning



it

wasn

t

my

appearance



that

s

not

the

bad

thing

about

me



It

s

my

personality



But

how

do

I

know

which

part



I

have

no

idea



I

ve

tried

to

think

about

if

it

s

one

thing

in

isolation

or

everything

together



or

what

can

I

do

to

fix

it



or

how

can

I

convince

you



Then

I

thought



maybe

it

is

my

looks



maybe

I

was

right

before



And

I

never

figured

it

out



Obviously



I

didn

t



But

I

ve

spent

a

lot

of

time

this

year

trying



And

the

reason

I

m

telling

you

all

this

is

that

I

want

you

to

know

no

one

in

my

life

has

ever

made

me

feel

worse

about

myself

than

you



Curtis

Sittenfeld



Prep



 Good Luck!